{"id":2861,"date":"2023-07-19T19:01:26","date_gmt":"2023-07-19T17:01:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rouillier.com\/wordpress-philopsycho\/?p=2861"},"modified":"2023-07-19T19:01:28","modified_gmt":"2023-07-19T17:01:28","slug":"mieux-gerer-son-deuil","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rouillier.com\/wordpress-philopsycho\/mieux-gerer-son-deuil\/","title":{"rendered":"Mieux g\u00e9rer son deuil"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u00ab&nbsp;ce qui ne me tue pas me rend plus fort (Nietzsche 1888&nbsp;\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Un deuil, au&nbsp; sens le plus large, est la rupture brutale d\u2019une relation affective. Il peut s\u2019agir du d\u00e9c\u00e8s d\u2019un proche, d\u2019une rupture amoureuse, de la perte d\u2019un objet f\u00e9tiche, de la perte d\u2019une situation favorable. Le deuil n\u2019\u00e9pargne personne, depuis l\u2019enfant qui perd son doudou, une s\u00e9paration amoureuse, un licenciement brutal, le d\u00e9c\u00e8s d\u2019un parent. Le deuil est \u00e0 la fois douloureux et n\u00e9cessaire \u00e0 la maturation d\u2019un individu. C\u2019est par l\u2019apprentissage de la s\u00e9paration que l\u2019on peut s\u2019autonomiser, prendre son identit\u00e9 propre, devenir un adulte ind\u00e9pendant. Le deuil est un incontournable de la vie. L\u2019humain a un besoin existentiel d\u2019\u00e9tablir des relations avec ses semblables, ces relations sont \u00e9ph\u00e9m\u00e8res, et la s\u00e9paration in\u00e9vitable fait partie de la condition humaine. Apprendre \u00e0 vivre le deuil est salutaire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Faire du deuil un \u00e9v\u00e9nement positif serait bien s\u00fbr exag\u00e9r\u00e9 car le deuil est une blessure \u00e0 la fois affective et narcissique, mais le g\u00e9rer comme un inconditionnel de la vie permet de mieux le supporter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dans une blessure affective la r\u00e9action est in\u00e9vitablement affective, c\u2019est \u00e0 dire hors de tout contr\u00f4le objectif par la raison. Essayons donc de d\u00e9dramatiser le drame, ce qui est assur\u00e9ment pas facile&nbsp;!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Prenons donc le cas de la perte d\u2019un \u00eatre cher (d\u00e9c\u00e8s ou rupture).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">On ressent un grand vide, une perte des rep\u00e8res, une perte du sens de la vie, une forme d\u2019inutilit\u00e9 des choses. Ce qui \u00e9tait rose devient gris. C\u2019est l\u00e0 que commence le travail, redonner des couleurs \u00e0 la vie. Bien s\u00fbr on ne passe pas directement au rose (qui est une coloration de l\u2019utopie) mais sortons du gris pour repeindre notre univers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Voyons d\u2019abord ce que peut \u00eatre ce sentiment de vacuit\u00e9 qui nous assaille. On l\u2019attribue \u00e0 la perte de l\u2019\u00eatre cher, au manque de sa personne. Premi\u00e8re erreur&nbsp;!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Avant de le(la) conna\u00eetre on a put \u00eatre heureux, et croyez en la parole d\u2019un vieil homme, on pourra encore \u00eatre heureux apr\u00e8s. Ce n\u2019est donc pas la personne qui nous fait d\u00e9faut.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Mais alors, que nous manque-t-il&nbsp;?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Il nous manque toutes les projections affectives que nous avons construit sur lui (elle), cette euphorie utopique que nous avions cr\u00e9\u00e9e, cette fusion de nous en lui(elle). Le deuil est moins la perte d\u2019un \u00eatre aim\u00e9 que la perte d\u2019une partie de soi-m\u00eame, celle que l\u2019on avait investie dans l\u2019autre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Prenons un exemple aussi simple&nbsp;et basique que possible : Je vais acheter un paquet de biscuits. Je choisi une certaine marque parce que je sais que lui (elle) la pr\u00e9f\u00e8re. C\u2019est un geste naturel quand on aime. Apr\u00e8s la s\u00e9paration, dans la m\u00eame circonstance je vais inconsciemment me poser la m\u00eame question maintenant vide de sens. J\u2019ai un moment de flottement, de perte de rep\u00e8res avant de faire mon choix. Certain(e)s continuerons, pour faire durer l\u2019illusion, la marque que lui(elle) aimaient, d\u2019autre ne saurons plus que faire n\u2019\u00e9tant plus tent\u00e9s par aucune marque, d\u2019autres enfin finirons par se remettre au centre du jeu et ach\u00e8terons la marque qu\u2019ils pr\u00e9f\u00e8rent. La derni\u00e8re attitude est la bonne&nbsp;!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Le probl\u00e8me se renouvelle pour toutes les micro ou les macro d\u00e9cisions de la vie, ce qui g\u00e9n\u00e8re un perp\u00e9tuel sentiment de vide, d\u2019incertitude, de manque. C\u2019est d\u00fb au fait que la situation ayant chang\u00e9 les anciens rep\u00e8res ne sont plus adapt\u00e9s \u00e0 la situation nouvelle. C\u2019est ce manque de rep\u00e8res, de positionnement dans la vie qui cr\u00e9e la douleur de la s\u00e9paration, le sentiment d\u2019abandon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">C\u2019est donc vers la perte de ses anciens rep\u00e8res et la cr\u00e9ation de nouveaux positionnements qu\u2019il faut agir. Bien s\u00fbr c\u2019est plus facile \u00e0 dire qu\u2019\u00e0 faire, mais c\u2019est la voie du deuil. Faire son deuil c\u2019est justement d\u2019abandonner ses anciens crit\u00e8res d\u2019\u00e9valuation des situations pour se cr\u00e9er de nouveaux points d\u2019ancrage dans la vie et la repeindre de nouvelles couleurs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Il faut au plus vite oublier l\u2019avant pour se projeter dans l\u2019apr\u00e8s. C\u2019est difficile car l\u2019avant \u00e9tait heureux et l\u2019apr\u00e8s incertains, mais attention vivre l\u2019avant aujourd\u2019hui est impossible, inconfortable, et source de souffrance. Renoncer et difficile mais n\u00e9cessaire et mieux vaut regarder devant que derri\u00e8re. Avant \u00e9tait beau, mais vu avec les yeux d\u2019aujourd\u2019hui il est amer. Mieux vaut l\u2019incertitude que l\u2019amertume.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">C\u2019est l\u00e0 que l\u2019exp\u00e9rience de ceux qui ont v\u00e9cus est utile et croyez-moi par exp\u00e9rience, le bonheur est toujours devant soi, et jamais derri\u00e8re<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00ab&nbsp;ce qui ne me tue pas me rend plus fort (Nietzsche 1888&nbsp;\u00bb Un deuil, au&nbsp; sens le plus large, est la rupture brutale d\u2019une relation affective. Il peut s\u2019agir du d\u00e9c\u00e8s d\u2019un proche, d\u2019une rupture amoureuse, de la perte d\u2019un objet f\u00e9tiche, de la perte d\u2019une situation favorable. Le deuil n\u2019\u00e9pargne personne, depuis l\u2019enfant qui [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":256,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[41],"tags":[395],"class_list":["post-2861","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psycho","tag-deuil"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Mieux g\u00e9rer son deuil -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.rouillier.com\/wordpress-philopsycho\/mieux-gerer-son-deuil\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Mieux g\u00e9rer son deuil -\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u00ab&nbsp;ce qui ne me tue pas me rend plus fort (Nietzsche 1888&nbsp;\u00bb Un deuil, au&nbsp; sens le plus large, est la rupture brutale d\u2019une relation affective. Il peut s\u2019agir du d\u00e9c\u00e8s d\u2019un proche, d\u2019une rupture amoureuse, de la perte d\u2019un objet f\u00e9tiche, de la perte d\u2019une situation favorable. 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Il peut s\u2019agir du d\u00e9c\u00e8s d\u2019un proche, d\u2019une rupture amoureuse, de la perte d\u2019un objet f\u00e9tiche, de la perte d\u2019une situation favorable. 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